Thinking positively

The philosophy of “thinking positively” (as opposed to seeing the negative sides of everything) has puzzled me for a long time. Now that I write this, I come to think of a short video that a project manager in a project I was in showed us in the team: “Fish” – about a fish market turned management philosophy mongers.

Anyway, one of their three of four rules went something like: you choose your own attitude – either you choose to be grumpy or you choose to be happy. And while there’s some truth to that, it isn’t a helpful thing to say to someone who isn’t feeling well. Rather, it suggests that you should try to “think positively” at any cost – even though you can’t see anything positive about your life.

I know of people who seem to be stuck trying to think positively, who won’t allow themselves to feel bad – or, in fact, deny that they feel bad. I feel that this is a dangerous thing to do. My experience is that you have to acknowledge that you feel bad, that you have to accept your current situation, in order to be able to do something – anything! – about it. It’s partly because you struggle that you feel so bad.

I can’t see how “thinking positively” could be something that you can strive to do and succeed with. If anything, it’s a result of striving to look upon things clearly, trying to see them as they truly are – your life, how you feel, your relationships, your work situation, etc. When you succeed at that, you would probably find yourself thinking positively about things – even though things aren’t as good as you would like them to be.

I have gotten the feeling that those stuck in positive thinking often do things they feel is “in line” with the positive attitude – like making big changes in their lives: selling their apartments and stuff and moving to another country to do something they’ve “always dreamt of doing”; or terminating their relationships, quitting their jobs, etc – basically things that they feel will take them to a place where they will feel better. (I would suggest reading the “Managing yourself through change” article by Dale Emery I wrote about some weeks ago.)

Instead of making dramatic changes in your life, or struggling in other ways to make you feel better: let go for a while. Try thinking clearly instead of positively. If things don’t seem positive at all, be frank to yourself about this. Doing this won’t set off an irreversible downward spiral (although many people act as if thinking non-positively will do just this). What would you tell a friend that feels bad? To stop whining about the negative things and start thinking positively? Hopefully, you would try to help him or her to see clearly at things that obviously aren’t fine (as well as things that are fine but doesn’t seem so to the friend). Think clearly and friendly – not positively.